On the cool July night, in a corner of the country we sometimes may forget, a murder was committed. A girl was dead. And a young man by the name of Jessup Turner was the prime suspect. All the evidence was pointed in his direction. What followed next was a trial with many twists and turns, ups and downs, ins and outs, surprise witnesses, forensic mumbo jumbo, charts, bar graphs, large photos, timelines, but above all else, left us all wondering “what in the world is going to happen next?”
I dream about living in the mountains. More now than ever before. This is true. I’m not sure what it is that calls me. Can it be the fresh water streams filled with copious amounts of fattened delicious salmon just waiting to be tossed down my big ‘ol country gullet, or can it be the wet dewy long grass that dances so gracefully in the morning wind and which also doubles as a perfect moist towelette coming in quite handy after a good old fashion country dumpin’… Whatever it is, there is one thing for sure: one day I’ll return, and when that day comes all I ask is that you smile for me and know that I am where I belong.
You gotta be careful nowadays. You really do. Lurking in every alleyway, every driveway is someone or something waiting, waiting to hurt you. This is real. This is REALITY. This is happening NOW! Everywhere you go is unsafe. I’m not lying to you. I’m simply trying to warn you, warn you about your impending doom. This may be hard to swallow. But at least now you know. Have a great rest of your day.
I walk these streets covered in a blanket woven from the fibers of so many broken dreams. I made it myself. Underneath the blanket I am completely nude. Stark naked you can say. The blanket keeps me warm. It shields me from the pressures of the outside world. Some may think the blanket is soiled, but nay. It’s actually quite clean. You see, the blanket and I look out for one another, we protect each other and have a bond build on mutual respect and admiration. I love this blanket. Pray for me.
Imagine a world without ribs… A place vacant of any and all sweet and tangy BBQ sauces. A land empty of dry rubs. A realm where fall off the bone pork pieces is a thing of the past, or perhaps an experience which never was... It’s hard isn’t it? I know. God do I know.
You know I can’t tell you how many times during the day people come up to me out of the clear blue sky and ask me questions pertaining to sports. Being the nice person I am and one who aims to please, I will no doubt provide an answer to such inquiries spewing such insight like: “they look good”, “the season is off to a promising start”, “what can I say the team is full of raw potential”, “I have full faith in the coaching staff”, “the uniforms need more starch”, “the grass looks tip top”, “the coach is very handsome”, “you gotta respect the rule book”, "I like this coach, I like this coach a lot”, “the owners are to blame”, “I think I maybe falling in love with this team but more importantly with this coach” and so on and so on. What can I say, its my job. And I love my job…
In October of 2005 the Sox had done the impossible, they won the World Series. Wow what a time to be alive. Needless the say it was a historic event, and the team has no doubt gone down in history as one of the most celebrated and storied squads in all modern baseball times. This episode of Monsters in the Morning #104 pays tribute to the fans who always stood by their "boys in black", never gave up hope, and to this day remain loyal to their team. Cheers to 13 wonderful years.
Half a Dozen Lessons to Live By:
1. Life is nothing more than a series of events in between re-runs of Martin.
2. You can't eat an apple without getting a few seeds in your mouth.
3. Time moves more slowly when you work at a clock factory.
4. It's hard not to be the center of attention when your wearing a leopard.
5. Dance walking and regular walking are practically the same thing.
6. Islands are fun, but peninsulas are safer.
I can't tell you how much I enjoy talking about sports, thinking about sports, reading about sports, analyzing all things sports, thinking about sports, dreaming about sports, watching sports, cheering on those playing sports, making up imaginary sports, eating food at sporting events, thinking about sports, writing about sports, and thinking about sports. I guess you can consider the amount to time and energy I put into enjoying sports a sport in itself... now ain't that something.
I know, I know, its weird, its strange, and it doesn't make much sense, but that's just the way they do it. No reason to pine over it, I don't really "get it" myself, and it can be frustrating, but... that's just the way it's always been done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, believe me... I KNOW. But... That's. Just. The. Way. They've. Always. Done. IT. They keep telling us, "get with the times", "adapt", for gods sake MOVE ON! But... at the end of the day, that's just the way we've always done it, the way we will continue to do it, and the way it will stay being done. I know it can seem off putting, fiscally irresponsible, and almost criminal to continue doing it. But.......... That's just the way we've always done it.
Famous 100's throughout history: The 100 Dollar Bill, 100 Chickens, Channel 100 (the TV guide edition) and of course MITM #100! Come celebrate a historic moment in time and space with Mike and Charley as they serve up some hot, juicy, and locally sourced hunks of meaty sports news that will no doubt rattle your senses and open your soul. "Bear" witness as the Monsters welcome back Bill Stark, open up their Gym Bags, and once again ask that faithful question on everyone's mind, Where's Big Cat? Enjoy the show, and as always thank you for the love and support these past 100 years...
(Today's episode is sponsored by: Wilson's Ranch, Owl Handa, and the Sunblaster by Uppercut. With additional funding provided by: Men Who Work Construction, Crystal's Crystals, and the Big Boys.)
Whats popping big city sweat bodies out there strap on in and don't forget to replenish your bodily fluids cause the Monsters are coming to you with nothing but hot, steaming, sweltering sports news too cool your soul and wet your toes with, I'm talking 'bout chilling pool side with a glass for TDC and some delicious grilled Mikes to keep you from yielding your body and mind to the red hot summer time dog days of yesteryear, go teams go, sports teams win win win yes.
Are you unlucky in love? Are you tired of the old bar scene? Do you have strange and disturbing questions about your body? Do you find yourself weeping uncontrollably in the shower? Do people tend to throw stones at you as you navigate in and out of society? Does your face scare animals? Do you weep after meals? Are you weeping now? Then the answer may lie in the wisdom of Dr Q Love Expert along with his pal D-Bag Dave giving you all love advice you need to mend and fill your human heart.
Summer in the city and ain't it a pity.
Nobody to love me or to call me pretty.
So I sit on my step as I slowly drip sweat.
Down is rolls as it pools round my neck.
So whats a gal to do in the hot hot heat.
Except to fire up the grill and throw on some meat.
That's right its BBQ season.
I want you to look at the globe in front of you right now. Stare deeply at it's fine curves and vibrant colors... Beautiful right... Now I want you to run your fingers down it's perfect topographically beveled body. Do you feel those ridges, those groves, those lumps...? They feel nice don't they. Now take the globe into private room. A safe place. A place where you and the globe can be alone. For, it's important to spend time with your globe, one on one, globe to globe, body to body, forever and always. Chow bella.
I've never been a religious person. I can come off as strange to some folks because of the intense way I tend to stare at their face for too long while trying my best to speak to them in a "normal" way. I get nervous when approaching a stranger. I'm overweight. My vocabulary is really, really, really, not good. I have a distinct odor. I care too much. I push myself too hard. And I love even harder. Give me a call. I'm here.
Hello again everyone I'm Dustin Wank host and lead anchor of News Watch brought to you by BCC Global International Media an affiliate and subsidiary of WVBI News Central Division. Isn't that something? Who would of ever thought that me Dustin Wank would find his way into the anchor's chair, reading of all things the news, and on a global scale to boot. Heck I sure didn't. But hey here I am. I have to pinch myself sometimes and thank god for all his many blessings and bask in the knowing that sometimes dreams really do come true. Thank you all for believing in me. I won't let you down.
The smell for fresh lilac envelopes my presence as I swiftly glide through the trails left by ancestors past, retracing their steps now worn through the thicket of dying memories and thoughts unearthed, through the canals now empty and dry except for the tears that helped fill their cargo, made on the backs of Granddads' past, its a hard life and it only gets harder... Am I right?
I'm not a rich man. In fact in some circles I'm considered quite poor. I wear rags. My winter hat is filthy yet I continue to sport it atop my head during all seasons. I stink. Most of my wardrobe I found on the side of the road. I tend to do most of my grocery shopping at the local dollar general. I'm sick. I've been known to eat slightly used and discarded food fragments mostly found in local receptacles in the greater city center. I hiss at passers by. Yet, I'm still human. So... (hand extended) may I have this dance?
Hey biggie big-big look at me, I've got a big pig you need to see. It's large and stinky and pink as could be, and believe it or not that pig is free. So stop on by and check it out, the stye is open so no need to pout. For when it comes to pigs were second to none, big piggy pig-pig come get you one.
