On this very special day we at Monsters in the Morning are so very proud and over joyed to present to you all: An Evening With Dennis Quaid. Join Dennis on a magical musical ride as he takes us down memory lane via his acoustic guitar and his crooner voice. Relax and engross yourself in song and story from one of America’s legendary leading men as he trades his acting hat for some dancing shoes. Truly Thanksgiving for now on will not be complete without listening to this memorable performance from DQ on this most happiest of holidays. Blessings.
With the leaves falling and the temperature dropping one can’t help but feel utterly bloated. Stuffed, round bellied and blue, ready to pop. Waddling through the continuous monotony of the work day, exhausted and breathless. Panting at the sheer sight of a fight of stairs or the longer than expected gangway. Sickened by your own reflection. Sticky with the sweet winter sweat as it beads down your well insulated upper and lower torso. Uncomfortable and encumbered by your newly acquired mass. Its days like these that I wish I ate low-cal.
The leaves fall from the trees above as I walk down this familiar path…
Cobblestones slippery with the decaying organic parchment once so beautiful and red…
I weep at the forgone memories of my past…
Fallen and forgotten like the leaves…
Trampled.
Torn.
Wet.
Happy Halloween :)
Love, Cotton Man
For years scholars have debated on the one true place where old friends can truly go to let loose, have fun, listen to sub-par music, be free, drink with reckless abandon, vomit on themselves and strangers, urinate in the streets, wear overpriced boots and hats, eat mass amounts of fried food, splatter shit in public washrooms, get mugged, get sick, get mad at each other, get shitty, get shit on, and shit on themselves… Where you ask…? Well, here’s a hint: it’s like Vegas but better. WINK :)
Exciting times garner exciting opportunities and right now theres plenty to get excited about at Q-Vision. When you think of Q-Vision, the first thing that comes to mind is this brand new state of the art telecommunications and cable provider which is on the cutting edge of super fast high speed lightning quick internet and voice, but theres so much more! Q-Vision also offers customers free automatic bill pay, access to over 200+ channels for one low rate plus the all new on-demand Dr. Q physician remedies and antidotes channel. Heard enough? Well how about this: rates begin at $99.95 a month for all new customers. Click!
Can you believe that it’s football season once again? Truly. Strange how time weaves its wonder in and out of our lives just like the great lumber jack heaves his axe through the air. Chopping and splitting as he clears the way for more concrete masterpieces and domes of glory. Who are we but mere cogs in the great ether of ozone; aimless, wondering, fading away… until finally, we are freed. We are let go of our pit-less fall towards ambiguity and saved by thy pigskin- Reborn by thy goal post and lifted up on wings of fandom to cheer, give high fives, blather, brute, spit, and talk and talk and scream and yell about My Team, Your Team… OUR Team. So rise up you weary wide bodies and rejoice, for its time to take the field once again.
Life is hard, then you develop a hemorrhoid. Sound familiar? Your damn right it sounds familiar. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You see you and only you have the ability, hell the power, to overcome Big Pharma and finally stick it up their ass for a change. How you ask? It’s simple:
#1. Stop “Believing” Everything They Tell You and Start Becoming What You Know To be True! Get it?!
#2. Do Your Own Research and Stop Treating Your Asshole Like a Fool! Got it?!
#3. Use Silver and Finally SEE and FEEL Results for a Change! Good!
Listen, we get it, your a busy guy. You got a lot on your plate. But stop for a minute and think about what really matters in your life. It’s hard not to put the health and well being of your ass in the top first or second rung. So STOP playing their game and START freeing yourself from a lifetime of pain.
Look, we live in a free country, its about time your asshole gets a taste of that freedom too.
Ya dig?
You’re living your life as a fine member of your local community. You volunteer at the local garden, you sway along the local community parkways enjoying the breeze, waving at your local crossing guards and bus drivers as you pass them on your blissful morning stroll. You shop local, you eat local, you ARE local. Then it happens… BANG! Something suddenly not so local begins to grow out of your ass. Panic ensures and suddenly YOUR not so local anymore. You hide away. Scared, alone, emotionally and physically injured; naturally you turn inwards. But it doesn’t have to be this way for there is a solution. A topical solution.
On this week’s very special edition of ‘Rhoid Rage, the Mavens break down for you the 5 Stages of Hemorrhoids and how to actively recognize where you are at in your journey.
Discovery
Fright
Denial
Pain
Acceptance and Treatment
It’s ‘Roid Rage with local ‘Roid Mavens Dan and Jack. Listen in every week as they council you through handling your newly discovered ‘roid, or coach you as you continue to live with a long term inflamed and irritated protrusion. Giving insider tips, tried and true home remedies, along with an emphatic ear and first hand experience, The ‘Roid Mavens are here to help guide you towards leading a more fruitful and pain free life.
Well we finally did it. 200 episodes in the can. Wow. Despite every obstacle, every nay-sayer, every dark night of the soul, we can finally hang our hat on this accomplishment. We can finally look at our nude bodies in the mirror and be proud for once. We can finally walk into our workplace without being made fun or called “stinky” by the boss and his buddies. With these 200 episodes we have established a legacy, a canon if you may, a permanent record of our silly speech and in depth cutting edge sports analysis which will no doubt be studied for years to come in non accredited online universities. What will the future hold for us “Mere Mortals of the Microphone”, us “Minions of Thy Midi”, us “Gurus of Garageband”, us “Squires of Squarespace”… who knows… Maybe we’ll do an entire show underwater! Now that would be fun :) Stay tuned, stay safe, stay moist. Prost.
When the weather warms and our bodies begin to acclimate to the heat and humidity, a force inside or bodies propels us to move forward. Outdoors we venture into strangers garages and front yards, taken by a primal need built up within our inner loins for months. Not driven by thirst or hungry, nor god or deity, or will or wonder, nay, for it is shit we desire and shit we so shall receive. Piles of shit, useless shit, shit from neighbors homes who don’t need the shit anymore so they sell the shit to us. Nice shit. Good shit at a good price. Shit that makes us feel happy, feel human, feel full, full of shit. So go out, find some more shit to add to your pile, but get their early because if you wait too long all the nice shit will be gone and you’ll be shit out of luck.
If your from Chicago then theres no doubt you have your fair share of John Cusack stories. From catching him at a ball game as he sweet talks his current costar in the owners box, to watching him rollerblade carefree down the lakeshore shirtless, John has been a fixture of Chicago lore for decades. His larger than life presence coupled with is innate ability to make a lasting impression on residents and visitors alike, is why he continues to hold a special place in the canon of what it truly means to be a celebrity living in the big city.
Whats APP everybody! Crack your knuckles, moisturize your palms and dip your eyes balls in some warm liquid because it’s time to talk apps! Yep its time to start App’n Around! Join us as we hear from our very own tech guru TDC as he reviews some of the hottest apps for 2021 including: Go “Q” Sleep, Blink, and Beta Moon. It’s App’n Around! Get it? App = Applications ie applications you download onto your device, and Around meaning “in existence or current use”. App’n Around.
Look it was a big horse-around, period! Seriously you guys! We were horsing-around with it all… That’s it! No need to look into it much more than that. Consider this equation: Mike + Charley = Horsing Around! We love no thing more than taking y’all on a grand horse-around round-about featuring lots of horsing and ‘rounding to capture a pure and unfiltered genuine horse-around with two fellas who wrote the both on it. It’s called: Horsing Around with Mike and Charley and its currently on sale for $19.95.
Exploring your auditory systems through an intense meandering proliferation of noise and vibrations. Navigating your canals with uneasy familiarity and distant precision as we ride the wave and bang your drum. The norm does not exist within the walls of sound. The norm does not exist within the ether of bounce back. Hang up your rectangle’d hand cuffs and help us destroy the expectation of pre-packaged edible brainwash. Sense is all you have and its withering away to dust as we willingly bare witness to the unglamorous hand over. Don’t sneeze or your miss the show.
Read the pictures.
Follow the unknown.
Add up the piles of insurmountable TRUTHs.
What’s the [What]?
Where’s the [Where] [truly] located?
Follow the lead[er][s].
Look at my big ASS.
NOW.
You like what you see [feel]?
My ASS is large right?
Some would say gigantic.
HUGE really.
M
rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy
rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy
rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy
rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy
rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy
Today is the day that you got to see rudy 101 times.
Must be nice.
SPRINGTIME #192:
Consider thee the last known lover of mother nature
The one true believer in the the majesty that lies within the bosom of your dirt.
A real life human tree who longs to grow branches and poke your sky.
Alas! It is I, the animal who rolls within the reeds that grow along the side of the banks of your flowing waters.
He who bathes in your sand as you watch me from above.
I am nude.
I am new.
I have sprung.
Imagine a place, a dark place, a place you don’t really want to be, yet you were guilted/brought/invited to against your will. A small place, a place that is hard to find yet was under your nose. A place where you are welcomed with enthusiasm and glee, but also for a small fee. A loud place, cramped at times, but not tonight, not for this. A place where you feel compelled to clap, and forced to laugh; to the point your face muscles hurt with each unnatural contortion of your cheeks. A place where time moves backward, premises are lost in the ether, and dreams are simultaneously fulfilled and broken with the sound of the word: “Scene!” Welcome to the world of amateur independent and poorly performed improv comedy. Enjoy the show, because despite your inner plea and the fact that you are jumping out of your skin at how awful the experience is, the show will no doubt still be lasting the entire hour its scheduled for.
