MITM #190

Has it really been 190 episodes? Boy how time has flown by. So many episodes chock full of memorable characters, segments, banter, and of course sports analysis. So many episodes carefully crafted, toiled upon, chiseled, and meticulously shaped from a single piece of raw marble to form a work of exquisite beauty. So many episodes, that for going on 6 years has provided countless laughs, beautiful moments of heartwarming realizations, and of course buckets of tears, both from bliss and those of angst and various ailments. So many episodes….so…so many episodes… If only someone would listen…

(the brisk breeze hitting my face as I gaze upon the sky, I close my eyes and whisper…)

Goodbye.

MITM #189

It’s funny to consider that it was only a year ago that I was in financial ruin. No job, late on all of my bills, heck every day it seemed as if I was hiding from the repo man, or on the phone begging for an extension on some long forgotten high end clothing store credit card that I had no doubt maxed out years ago when I weighed far less and enjoyed life far more. It didn’t take long until I was pretending my sweet and swanky store credit card never even existed, throwing away any bills or urgent notices coming in from the mail, and blocking all calls coming in from out of state area codes. Truly it was clear that I had begun a vicious cycle of waddling through life in some sort of manufactured alternate reality where my finances were in “order “ and my waist line wasn’t “topping the high 40s”. But, that all changed when the opportunity of a lifetime came knocking at my door when I was at my lowest and no doubt my heaviest. I had to dig down deep but ultimately found the courage to answer, the question is….do you? KNOCK…. KNOCK…. KNOCK…

MITM #188

Your better off just skipping this one.

MITM #187

Well here we are again. The big game. Wow. Lots of big fun to be had and even bigger amounts of money to be won (fingers crossed). But what else do we celebrate today I ask? The players? Sure. The game? Of course. The ownership? Yes. The Fans? Without a doubt. But what about me? Hmm? What about ME?! For aren’t I the one who has penned this message of good tidings that you are reading at this exact moment. It’s true. Yet, why is it that I am not celebrated and rejoiced upon? Do I not deserve your praise? Do I not deserve your kind words? Shame. SHAME I say! Shame on you all! Now if you would excuse me I have to go attend mass. For it is SUNDAY after all. #Blessings.

MITM #186

This week on All Cubes Considered, Nathaniel Turtle sits down with cube newcomer Touch Down Charley to discuss his brand new cube invention the state of the art Super Cube Super Bowl Squares. By harnessing the power of a bunch of squares times three times themselves, TDC hopes the technology behind the Super Cube Super Bowl Squares will not only revolutionize sports betting but also humanity as a whole. Won’t you join us?

MITM #185

Monsters in the Morning (MITM) is a sports talk podcast broadcast out of Chicago. We really do love talking sports and giving you our unique and qualified perspective on all things sports via analysis on the many different sports played and those who enjoy watching said sports i.e sports fans. By simply looking at spreadsheets, talking about the numbers, thinking about the numbers, dreaming about numbers, and using verbal communication through the use of speech patterns forming such words like: “sports”, “data”, “numbers”, “game”, “balls”, etc…We feel confident and jazzed about providing you what we know you crave: “sports talk”.

MITM #184

As the insanity of this year finally comes to a close, all of us here at Monsters in the Morning we would like to wish you and your family a very jubilant, joyful, jolly-fun holiday. So, in order to celebrate the season in style and love, just as we have done for the past 30+ years, we would like to present the re-broadcast of Cotton Man’s now infamous holiday Christmas Album: A Sleigh Full of Cheer. God Bless you all and God Bless the Chicago Bears football organization and entire front office. Peace be with you.

MITM #183

Boy oh boy, thinking back on this… lets just call it: a “different” kind of a year. You really can’t help but look around at just how different this year really has been and just how very different things are now. Will the holidays be different you ask… Yes, yes they will. Will the season seem different because of all the vast differences that are now our unfamiliar and dare I say different world we all find ourselves inhabiting… well yeah. But, will these different times make us stronger? I’d say yes. But then again I’ve always been one to think differently… maybe thats why I don’t have many close relationships.

MITM #182

Joy surrounds us. Its everywhere! In the eyes of the young doe gently lapping the sweet-sweet syrup glistening in the sun of a winters morn. In the palms of your favorite lumbering male masseuse as he unloads gallons of oil all over your aching back. In the ear canal of the local teens as they whistle show tunes and skip down main street USA. In the intestines of your friendly obese neighbor waving at you as you exit your home. In the hair of the women who roams the neighborhood smelling of sour urine and pine cones. In the paws of the raccoons and opossums eating your precious garbage. You see, its everywhere. Especially nowadays. What with the holidays and all…

MITM #181

In a perfect world we would all have a physical space where we could unleash our inner fandom in peace and tranquility. Alas, a land where comfort reigns supreme and the nachos are never-ending. Yes, an island of sorts, we we can sit our big bodies down in soft sultry sofas, sinking in as we slurp and smack along to our favorite teams. Indeed a paradise, where the chicken wings are always hot, and the ranch dressing is served by the pitcher. Truly a spot where all responsibility is vanquished, and our bellies are free to bounce to the sound of our team’s fight song. Come with me as I lead you out of the real world and into a designated area of my home, were laziness is the norm, the sweet smell of farts permeate the stale air, and where guys truly rule. Enter Thy Man Cave.

MITM #180

Turkey on the Table… in its entirety.

MITM #179

I get it, your scared. That’s fine. It’s OK to be afraid. Heck, I’m scared 98% of the time I’m up and moving about. Fear surrounds us. You just never know when your gonna choke to death on that piece of cantaloupe, or when an airplane will suddenly fall out of the sky directly on top of you, or if and when the local coyote will rip you apart head to toe with reckless unbridled abandon. But we must move forward, we have to continue to eat rich buttery foods, yell with all CAPS when correcting a wrong, and above all else purchase various items online. Faith, not fear.

MITM #178

Maniac Mike “The Madman” and Touchdown Charley “the Sicko” are so very proud to present The Monsters in the Morning Annual Haunted Halloween Ghoul-Tastic Hayride featuring Ghosts, Goblins, Ghouls, Spiders, and Goblins, Mummies, Spooky looking Trees, Rats, and Corn, all taking place the Hay, and all for fun. Enjoy the show… if you dare?

MITM #177

As the old saying goes: “Football season comes in like a lion, and out like a lion too.” Wiser words are hard to come by, especially nowadays, what with the economy and pollution and what have you. But don’t ever forget, even when the world seems bleak, scary, and very very wet, Mike and Charley are here for you, to hold on to you. Ever so tight, enveloped and entangled in our various limbs and skin, as we weep together… as one, one body, one soul. Amen?

MITM #176

The Monsters in the Morning are back to bay-sacs this week ladies and good sirs! Thats right! The #1 most popular, trusted, and longest running comedy sports podcast featuring Manic Mike and Touchdown Charley is back and spraying uncontrollable amounts of sports content all over your drapery and fine furnishings. Content so thick, so organic, and so rich your upholstery won’t even know what hit ‘em.

MITM #175

Tensions finally boil over as the self proclaimed “Turkey-Czar” Maniac Mike confronts Touchdown Charley at the grand opening of the Mayflower for his attempted sabotage. However, manny, manny, unanswered questions still continue swirling about such as:

• “What ever happened to that “Turkey Cold” anyway, I mean wasn’t that kinda what the whole saga was supposed to be about…? ”

• “If big ‘Ol fat boy Mike was poisoned with tainted gravy, how in the world is he still alive and interacting with customers in such a jovial manner?”

• “What about all those thousands and thousands and thousands of sick turkeys, huh? Where’s the turkeys turkey!?”

• “Why didn’t the investors fight back on the majority sale of all the Mayflower shares, seems like a rookie mistake for such well to do and seasoned businessmen…?”

• “What did Stark have to gain with selling his shares to Mike, are we really to believe he wanted nothing more than a couple of barrels…?

• “Why has this saga lasted so many god damn episodes? 9 episodes? Kinda excessive wouldn’t you say…?”

• “Who was Charley in cahoots with to take down the company, again another plot hole which really should be resolved… right?

• “When will the new album by Trip-Da-Phan be dropping?”

For these answers and so manny, manny, more tune in to the final episode of the Turkey on the Table and finally put you mind, body and soul at ease.

MITM #174

After years of pain, planning, sacrifice, sickness, sadness, tears, money, sex, turkey, potatoes, fried turkey, boiled turkey, classic roasted turkey, not to mention gallons upon gallons of uncut pure thick and salty gravy, the day has finally come for the grand opening of the worlds first all turkey restaurant: The Mayflower. However, it comes bittersweet as TDC’s master plan to poison Mike to exacerbate the so called “Turkey Cold” in order to sabotage the Mayflower has left Mike alone at the helm, sole captain of a ship as it sails to a new world, a new world of turkey on the table, all day, everyday.

MITM #173

Think big, then double it. Let that sink in… Good? Ya see, to think big; bigger even than what was once thought of as “big”, then you gotta BE big. That’s right, to think big, ya gotta BE BIG! Its a big deal, I know, some may say huge deal, but being big, thinking big, hell staying big, is just that: BIG. So are you up for the challenge big boy? Are willing to be B-I-G BIG? Can you handle the pressure of being that big, bigger than most and larger than many… Big? Well if you answered yes, then your one step away from what just may be the biggest leap you can make in a life toward reaching optimal bigness. God Speed Biggy, God Speed…

MITM #172

While the Turkey Cold continues to dominate the publics attention, Mike instead concerns himself with gaining full control of the Mayflower by holding 51% of its shares. Nested in an empty water park in Wisconsin Dells, Mike abruptly cancels the investors gala and instead holes up with TDC in a penthouse overlooking Lake Delvin. Spending his days tasting copious amounts of gravy and turkey fixings, while gaining an unhealthy amount of weight, Mike begins to show signs of a turkey induced mental and physical lapse.

MITM #171

The 24/7 turkey restaurant, now christened The Mayflower, continues to encounter issues regarding a exclusive poultry deal from Czechoslovakia. In particular, it has come to the public’s attention that all turkeys acquired from the deal have contracted a mysterious “Turkey Cold”. In an effort to calm the nerves of both the investors and greater poultry loving fan base on the planned grand opening, Maniac Mike sits down with Tarragon News Association (TNA) lead investigative turkey reporter Xander Goose to explain his rational on the matter.