This is Where You Listen
My body just doesn’t function as well as it used to. Simple everyday tasks like making eggs, buckling my boot straps, and fly fishing aren’t as easy as they once were. Don’t get me wrong, I am still quite the angler. But I’ve lost a step, and I can admit that now…
Love, BCW
Life starts and the choices become…
Night is influential in nature and home…
Your breath is sweet yet your touch burns…
I’m open.
- Cotton
This is the episode where Mike and Charley discuss TDC’s recent wedding. Yep that’s right. TDC got hitched over the long break. I know! We are still in disbelief over here at the station too. But its true! We swear it. He really got married, LEGALLY married to another person. A real person. Not an animal or some sort of inanimate object, like you would expect, but a living, breathing, member of the opposite sex. In this case a female. And we think its just wonderful :)
Just as the lonely fawn awaits the morning dew to moisten its nose on a dry spring morn. Have thou been patiently praying for the arrival of the pitch, the crack of the timber, the smell of the pine. Soak it all in. Sit in it. Feel it? Feels good. Let the game penetrate your body and mind. For the time has come. Glory unto those who spectate, for they shall inherit the win.
From humble family beginnings to a worldwide corporate behemoth, Vomit Box Inc. continues to expand its reach into the lives and livelihoods of everyday local mouth breathers from every walk of life. For instance, VBI isn’t just the leading manufacture of Vomit Boxes, Vomit Box Maintenance Kits, Vomit Adhesive and Vomit Plank Molding Plates, but also has major holding in the pharmaceutical industry, owns a leading Zookeeper training facility, radio station, as well as the 100s of sawdust mills peppered through out the globe. With so many fingers in so many pies, one wonders how can a company stay so focused on the bottom line. The answer: Consistency.
Your invited! Yes YOU! We can’t wait to see your wonderful face and feel the aura of your presence. Truly, you really mean so much to us that it would be OUR honor to have you in attendance. The honor is ours! It’s going to be one heck of a party. Lots of activities, funny hats and what have yous. The date is still tentative and we are still in negotiations with the venue, but once that’s all done, and it will be done soon, YOU will be the first to know. So get excited. I am…
Hello everyone! I hope your all doing well. So we have another episode posted. I know, yes another episode. But we really think your going to enjoy this one. I know it’s hard to find the time. Heck I can barely find the time to wash my body, but you know what, most days I’m able to squeeze it in. Even if its only hitting the main areas of concern. A complete shower no, but clean enough to go about the day.
Holy cannoli with eggs and raviolii…
It's Valentines day you big jabroni!
So put on your fancy underpants, da soft ones, not da ones made of bark…
And sit on back and listen to some love advice from Mr. Bill Stark.
Pesky Cream Liquid Driving You NUTS?
Can’t Stand the ENDLESS Puddles of Ketchup Water Gathering In and Around Your Frig?
Well, Cry No MORE!
Introducing the CREAM SPONGE By: Uppercut
Say GOODBYE to Those RIVERS of Mustard Juice and Take the PLUNGE with the Cream Sponge!
By: Uppercut (A Subsidiary of Vomit Box LLC)
Well that time of year is finally here. It’s one of the largest events on this side of the planet and Mike and Charley can barely contain their excitement for this year’s cul·mi·na·tion of game play. To say its a big game is an understatement…
Grandiose? Sure.
Big? Well Yeah.
Gargantuan? You can say that.
Enormous? I guess.
Huge? Please enough with the synonyms… We get it. Its a bigger than normal game.
Would you say substantial? Well yes.
Monumental?
Would you say its monumental?
Hello?
Hello?
I guess they left…(tear)
As the winter comes, so does the weight gain. It’s a fact of life that as it gets colder our bodies get fatter. It’s biology. This has been the cycle since the caveman eras. So as we enter a new year it’s always good to reflect upon, and try to figure out, just how slobingly large we have become and what, if anything, we can do to try and alleviate some of the unnecessary mass we’ve begun to carry around our fare city. On this very, very, special episode of MITM, the monsters open up their channel to their friends at Winter Weight Radio Fat Jack and Fat Dan as they discuss all things chub related. Hope you tune in. Blessings.
I never considered myself “fit”. In fact because of my weight I find it hard to “fit into” many places. My car for instance, the shower stall, the phone booth (yes I still use a phone booth), and of course the church pew during Sunday worship and every Saturday during the preworship pot luck. I can go on and on and on… and will: My in-laws newly remodeled washroom, the dental chair, and mentioning that the weighted dental vest they make you wear during X-rays (they bring out a special one for me, its more like a lead blanket), the changing room at Men’s Warehouse, helicopter cockpits, and of course those little side cars on motorcycles…. Oh and my pants.
For over 30 years it’s been a holiday tradition here at Monsters in the Morning to rebroadcast Cotton Man’s groundbreaking holiday christmas album A Sleigh Full of Cheer. Highly regarded as ahead of its time, gut wrenchingly honest, and at moments quite disturbing, the album has found itself its own unique cult following over the years since its debut. So sit back, relax, sip on some hot-hot cocoa, and enjoy the insanity with Cotton Man. God Bless.
Tis’ the Holiday season and I’m such a wreck.
I slipped on some ice and severely hurt my back and neck.
The doctor I respect said I need to stay in bed.
But that’s impossible you see with all these jingle bells ringing round’ my head.
So out the front door I go, without a cap or coat.
Wondering the holiday streets in search of a boat.
A boat? Si el bote, I know it may sound odd.
But this boat you see was sent down to me by God.
Listen, a storm is coming because He is mad.
At you, at Steve, at Mom and Dad.
He’s angry at the way this world has turned so crummy.
No use in repenting, your time is up you dummy.
But what about thou you say? Well, I’m different see.
Believe it or not but He speaks directly to me.
Father has spared me his reckoning for I’ve always done right.
Never hurt even a fly, or gone gallivanting in the night.
Yes! It’s all so clear to to me now its crystal!
Hahahahaha Huh? What’s that you whistle?
Go run into oncoming traffic?
Hahaha… OK.
Seriously?
I sit in silence. Alone. Nude. Allowing the cool open air to envelope my skin and bath my soul. Observing the space around me. Taking it all in. Breathing. Seeing. Day dreaming. Allowing my mind to wonder to places I never knew it would dare explore. Strange places. These places I go, these places are no bueno.
There’s no reason to be ashamed by it. Your one of many. This is a safe place. A place where the possibilities are endless. The portions have no limit. And where surprises await for you around every corner. This ain’t no ordinary city, this is buffet city. So take a seat in a warm vinyl chair. Enjoy a fresh pop or lemonade, and bask in the glow of fluorescent lights and the heat only warming trays as far as the eye can see can produce. So come hungry and leave slightly to very ill and remember that its the experience that’s most important. Your journey awaits you at your nearest neighborhood buffet.
He’s everywhere yet nowhere at the same time. He’s lurking in the shadows waiting for a moment to speak to you. He looking through all your cabinets searching for a pub glass. He tracked dog shit all throughout your living room. He sneezes constantly. He’s having a rough year, yet today he has a smile on his face. He's at home in your home, and he’s planning on staying awhile.
Of course with every episode of This American Shit we look at how shitting effects the daily lives of regular citizens from every walk of life. This week’s episode, host Yonah Sand gives us shit stories including: “To Do or Not to Do-Do (In my pants)”, “The Happy Accident”, a special report from producer Doug Bundle - “Plotching: The New Shittier Epidemic, and “The Unlikely Defense”. We hope you’ll join us.
I guess I never was one of those kids who was very athletic. Heck I could barely walk, let alone run. So when the kids were picking teams, there was no doubt I was gonna be picked, you guessed it: last. But no matter what I always gave it my all. Even though that usually consisted of myself attempting to participate in the most minimal of ways usually resulting in a game halting injury. This too didn’t garner me much fanfare. Many of the kids would sneer and spit at me, some even trying to bite me. I would always tell them that I couldn’t help the fact that I had brittle bones, but they never listened.
The whistle blows my mind as the synchronized formations begin to dance in my dreams.
I am one with this performance.
Life’s delicate balance teeters once again on the turf of the world.
This is my sanctuary.
My home.
Life.
